Words of Wisdom: “Stop Justifying”-Dan Lok

This Words of Wisdom video from business magnate Dan Lok is truly a wake up call for all of us prone to excuses.

I don’t know about y’all, but I used to make heavy excuses on the regular to justify what I couldn’t do. I could expand my freelance career or develop this site because I was too busy. Or I was too “inexperienced” compared to others. I wasn’t good enough or talented enough or I’d be further along. That led me to shut down at times and not even try to put myself and my skills out there. I was making justifications for why I couldn’t do things instead of stepping into what I know I was made to do.

That’s what this clip from Dan is talking about. We justify our inactivity a lot. We try to downplay our gifts or not act on them by making excuses as to why we can’t do something. We use our schedules, our insecurities, and even our kids (for those of y’all who have them). However, we also have to push through all of that where we can and commit to the goals we have. We’ll always be busy and our insecurities tend to linger, and the kids will be around until at least 18 (maybe even longer if you’re nice like my parents were). We can still put in some work on our goals, even if it’s just a little bit each day. The first step is to stop justifying.

Check out the clip below!


B All In

(This post is a part of my “B” series which I’ll continue to deliver once a month! Continue to B Kind. B Silly. B Inspired. B Imperfect.)

I’m typing this, I’m drinking my water and internally fighting the temptation to have dessert and bread at a conference meeting. Why? Because I told myself that this was the year I finally get my weight down. But I’ve been playing around the first three months of 2019, if I’m honest. I haven’t been putting as much work as I think.

Anyone who’s serious about the gym knows that exercising and nutrition are key. In fact, nutrition is more important. I like working out…but I LOVE to eat. There lies the problem. You can’t outwork a bad diet. If you’re still eating whatever you want whenever you want, any other work you put in is in vain (Which is why the number on my scale and my measurements have barely moved, but I digress).

The same goes for any goal you have on your vision board or in your mind. If you’re only kinda sorta working at, you’re going to kinda sorta get results on occasion. It’s kind of wasting time, don’t you think? If you’re going to play around with your goals, you might as well just chill and do nothing because half-done work isn’t going to cut it long-term. You have to make up in your mind that, whatever your goal is, you’re going to make it happen. That you HAVE to make it happen. You have to be all in or you might as well forget it.

I’ve realized too that that comes with having a purpose outside of just yourself. I’m a huge fan of motivational speaker Eric Thomas who consistently puts out content for fans across the world. One audio clip shared online is “The Power Of Your Why,” where Eric explains that having a purpose for your goal outside of just your own desires is what’s going to ultimately push you to keep going.

When you think about your kids or your family or others that are counting on you, that helps in a major way. When I consider my family and others who have poured into my life (and even my future family), it helps kick my butt into gear when I don’t feel like doing things. When I start to think the life I want to provide for my future kids, it’s like cold water being thrown on my face. It’s a wake-up call that what I’m doing now, good or bad, will affect them and they’re not even here. I can only imagine actually being a parent or guardian with other people seriously depending on you. Having a purpose outside of just yourself or a determination to impact others will push you to keep going.

So, as we kick off the second quarter of 2019, I challenge you all as I challenge myself. Be all in with your goals or get out altogether.  

Sit In Your Failures

I am a HUGE fan of The Bold Type on Freeform. It touches on so many issues from identity, love/life balance. I highly recommend it, especially for the ladies. One of the episodes of Season 2 really,

***Spoiler alert. Skip the next two paragraphs if you’re catching up on the show!***

So one of the main characters in the show, Jane, had quit her job at her fashion magazine, Scarlet, to go to another magazine that seemed more fulfilling. However, it was completely different than what she expected. Long story short, she ended up getting fired. After shopping around for different jobs and failing, she ended up scheduling a meeting with her former editor, Jacqueline, to try to get her job back.  As she walked into the office to meet with Jacqueline, she and her friends at Scarlet were so confident that she’d be welcomed back. I knew that she probably wouldn’t. That was too easy and simple, and this show and its characters are not.

Sure enough, Jacqueline told her she didn’t have room in the budget to bring her back. And yes, she probably could have worked some magic to get Jane back on board, she refused. Ouch. Talk about a blow to your ego. Instead, Jacqueline told Jane that she needed to “sit in this failure.” Watch the scene below…

Whenever I got in big trouble or made big changes years ago, I flocked to my parents. When I messed my car up. Or had to get a new doctor. I even refused to go look at my first apartment and sign my lease without at least one of them in tow (both of them ended up being there). I’ll admit that my parents were (and still on occasion are) my safety net. My comfort zone. There’s always love, protection, and encouragement there.

As I’ve gotten older, though, especially during my first official year on my own, I began to realize that I have to take responsibility for my own life. Good, bad, and indifferent. Even the little/big things like getting my oil changed or figuring out health insurance. But especially when I fail. Just like Jane, instead of running for an easy fix, I had to learn to sit in my failures and work them out myself. Scary as hell, though.

Image result for black girl crying gif

A personal example: my credit card debt and overall finances. I haven’t gone too far off the deep end, but I was spending more than I should have. And it showed in my pockets. I had a budget, but it became yet another to-do list that I wasn’t following. Soon I had serious due dates looming over my head.  Listen, I worked in accounts receivable. I saw how personal credit affects credit limits, and I had to send out plenty of demand letters and process bills for law firms. I am NOT getting my name involved in some mess.

It doesn’t take too much to stress me, so my nerves were completely shot was stressed for a while. But I refused to run to my parents or anyone else. Sitting in my failure meant getting my stuff together and figuring out a game plan. So I busted my butt working on some writing assignments and worked to find a new full-time job with more money and better benefits. I also had to get much stricter with my spending finally. Thank God that it all worked out.

I share my spiel to say that sitting in your failure forces you to figure things out! You figure out what to do and what not to do in the future. And there’s a sense of pride that comes with finding solutions to your problems. While I’m not against asking for help if you really need it, I do think you should exhaust all your personal options first. Whether it be with work, your family, your finances, your health, etc. Admitting you screwed up and coming up with a game plan to fix things makes you stronger and wiser. So don’t back away from your failures. Don’t just flock to your safety net for help. Be bold enough to sit there and try to figure it all out.


Words of Wisdom: “Expectations Are Thieves”-Jada Pinkett-Smith

Jada Pinkett-Smith‘s Facebook Watch show, Red Table Talk, alongside her mom, Adrienne Banfield Norris and daughter Willow Smith, is a huge hit! On the powerful show, they discuss different life issues from addiction and immigration to love and self-esteem. So I had to share a video clip from an episode for our Words of Wisdom today!

In the clip, Jada opens up about expectations being thieves of joy, contentment, and gratitude. I know that all too well. In the past, I’ve been so laser focused on creating the life I want and expecting things to work out for me, that sometimes I lose sight of the blessings I already have. When what I expect doesn’t happen, I’ve gotten frustrated and angry and tend to take it out on those around me. I’ve gotten better at handling that, but man, those expectations can be a KILLER. I’ve learned to appreciate more of what I have and what’s going around me at the present moment. 

Let that be a challenge to you. There’s nothing wrong with dreaming and striving for more. But don’t let what you think should happen in your life blind you from the good that’s already taking place!

Watch Jada’s thoughts below!


Inspirational Jam: “Run The World (Girls)”-Beyoncé

“This goes out to all the women getting it in…you on your grind. To other men that respect what I do, please accept my shine!”

Today’s Inspirational Jam goes out to my ladies especially today (guys, if you’re rocking with it, you can listen too LOL).

On a personal note, I’m on the last few days of my current job, getting ready to start a new one next week. A lot to do and a lot to prepare for, especially when it comes to my side hustle. But I’m on it! Beyoncé‘s “Run The World (Girls)” puts me in instant grind mode.

The track serves as inspiration that we can indeed run our worlds on our terms, putting in the work as we climb our individual ladders to success. As a woman, and especially a woman of color, it’s always great to see other women rising up and doing their thing out here, including Bey herself. I find great hope and motivation in that, and I hope some of you other ladies do too.

I especially loved Bey’s performance of the song at the 2011 Billboard Music Awards. Watch it below!

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