B Committed To What You Said You Were Going To Do

“Commitment is staying true to what you said you were going to do long after the mood that you said it in has left you.”

A new year is a time for a new start. A re-do on whatever happened in the past. That’s why New Year’s resolutions and vision boards are so popular. I don’t knock them at all. In fact, I think it’s important to figure out specific goals you want to accomplish every year (and every month). The problem is that a lot of us rarely stick to them.

For me, it’s been my fitness. I don’t have a problem at all with working out. It’s what I put on my plate that’s always been the problem. And, in case you didn’t know, you really can’t outwork a bad diet. I’ve tried…and FAILED. So I decided that, when it came to my health journey, I was going to focus more on eating cleaner and cutting out the bad stuff. I still struggle, but I’m seeing some results already just from that.

Being committed to this weight loss journey has always been hard because I love food and I’m an emotional/stress eater. So I try to take things a day at a time. I realize, though, that times will get hard and temptations will come. They already have and we’re only in January. But I have goals (and two cruises coming up this year) and I’m trying to get healthy and look good. That means sticking to what I said I was going to do…for real this time.

Some of us start off so strong at the beginning of the year. Then February and March come around and we’re already slacking. By August, we’ve completely fallen off and then December comes, and we’re still in the same place we were in January. Maybe even a little worse off.

What we have to realize is that commitment isn’t just saying yes on the days when you feel like it or the days it feels good. True commitment is saying yes to your goals when you want to and when you don’t. It’s making the necessary changes to your habits and mindset to achieve the goals you want. You may slip up but then get right back up. That’s commitment.

What I’m finding that is helpful in staying committed is having a mission or inspiration outside of just yourself and your wants. It could be your kids and family. It could be others that you know and want to help. Having a why, like Dr. Eric Thomas has shared, helps give you the motivation to keep going even when you want to slack off or quit.

A part of being committed is being willing to make the necessary sacrifices in your journey. In order to get to higher heights, you have to look at what’s working for you and what’s not working. You may not be able to go out with your family and friends all the time. You might have to spend some weekends in or take on some late nights here and there. You might have to cut out TV and put your phone on Do Not Disturb for a while. I know I definitely need to stop ordering food for the sake of my health and my bank account. Think about the changes that you need for yourself to make in order to get ahead.

What we have to realize is that commitment isn’t just saying yes on the days when you feel like it or the days it feels good.

Another thing is that you have to trust the process of getting to where you want to be. A lot of us want quick results and, when we don’t get them, we give up and say “Oh, it wasn’t meant to be.” No, you just don’t want to really work and wait for it. That’s how I’ve been in my weight loss journey but now I’m falling in love with the process of eating cleaner and working out more. I’m a firm believer that things often don’t come easy, and, if and when they do, they don’t really last.

I believe that this year is going to be even better than the last for many of us. Let’s stay committed to whatever it is we said we were going to do, shall we?

Learning To Rest And Regroup

Those who read this site regularly could see that I have been slacking on posting recently. I hadn’t been engaging on social media or sharing much of anything. I’d been slacking on pretty much every area of my life behind the scenes for the past few weeks.

The truth is: I have been exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I haven’t had any energy and that led to me almost breaking down once again. I’ve had a few conversations with others recently that showed that others were going through the same. For me, I needed a break. A break to just not work as much and kind of figure out my next steps to balance my life a little bit better.

Our schedules are so jam-packed with meetings, work, volunteering, school, etc. that we struggle to balance it all. We also struggle with feeling like we HAVE to do everything, especially if we’re leaders on projects or initiatives. That leads to eventual burnout. I know all too well.

So I made myself a promise. From now on, if I’m ever feeling that way, I’m just going to take some time for myself. I struggle so much with this because I feel like if I’m not working, I’m losing. But if I’m losing steam and not giving my all on projects because I’m burned out, I’m still losing. We all have responsibilities, yes, and I can’t just completely quit or my bills don’t get paid. I can’t get completely lazy or things start to fall off. But taking some days to truly rest, especially on the weekends, is beginning to matter more and more to me. My weekdays are already filled with work, meetings, exercise classes, and writing. I don’t want my weekends to be completely filled with the same. It’s okay to rest and regroup. You NEED to.

Here are three things that have helped me with this issue. Hopefully, they help you too.

Don’t feel guilty. There is nothing wrong with taking a little bit of time for yourself, even just a few hours. Whatever you have going on can wait, especially if stress and anxiety are affecting your overall health. Delegate what you can to others. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb. Shut (and lock!) your office or bedroom door. And don’t feel bad one bit.

Re-evaluate your schedule and priorities. This year, I had to take some time to take a look at my schedule and see what I needed to cut out. Beyond binge-watching Netflix, I also needed to cut out working on some projects that I was no longer passionate about or could let other people handle. This freed up some time to work on new things and get some more rest. I also needed to work on my time management overall and be realistic about what I can handle, which is helping. Re-evaluating everything you have on your plate will help you see what you can cut out to make more time for yourself.

Do something (outside of work) that you actually enjoy. Yes, I love writing, but that’s a part of my job, so I didn’t do any of that this weekend. Instead, I went to my boot camp class, took naps, and watched Christmas movies (yes before Thanksgiving. Don’t judge me!). I worked out some emotions and had a relaxing time before getting back to work. Now I feel refreshed. I encourage you also to do something that you enjoy whether it’s getting your nails done, doing a little bit of shopping, or going to the movies. Whatever it is, take some time to relax and enjoy yourself.

It’s Okay To B Vulnerable

This post is a part of my “B” series which I’ll continue to deliver once a month! Continue to B Kind. B Silly. B Inspired. B Imperfect.

Welp, y’all. I took a short break from the site last week to process some things and regroup. Now I’m back and ready to get back to what I know. This post is for my fellow “strong friends” out there. The ones who other people “should check up on,” but would probably just tell them everything is fine anyway. This post is another hard one to write, but I’ll be good. Always lessons to be learned.

At a self-care retreat I attended this past Labor Day weekend, I mentioned how I was often the strong friend who struggled to be open all the time, even with the people closest to me. I hold a lot in instead of being real about my problems with others. Often, that gets me in trouble because I’ll get overwhelmed and blow up eventually. I hate to “bother” people with my problems. Little did I know that, during the same weekend, I would have no other choice.

Over this same weekend, which was supposed to be relaxing before getting back into my busy months, I discovered that the last five years of my life was a flat out lie when it came to my romantic relationship. I won’t get into details, but everything blew up in my face and I never expected it. My emotions are all over the place, but it is what it is. I’m dealing with it the best way I can, but, this time, it meant letting a few people into this embarrassing, shameful, and angering moment of mine. Namely, my sister and best friend.

Normally, like I said, I keep stuff in, especially when it comes to my dating life. This time, I couldn’t help but open up to them. I was pissed and sad that the past five years of my life were wasted by an absolute f—boy…very sick individual. It was either reach out to someone I love or get completely out of character. And God’s been doing too much work on me for me to turn back to craziness.

So I called them to vent and break down and cry. My sister checked in on me throughout the day between her classes. My best friend brought me food and drinks after she got off of work, basically forcing me to eat because I was literally so sick to my stomach, I hadn’t eaten anything all day. I vented more and shed tears and then we watched a couple of old episodes of Jersey Shore to laugh a bit. And I felt a little bit better. My guard is definitely up again now, but I’m glad I have good people by my side to help me through it.

This post itself was probably more of a vent, but it was also an encouragement to those who struggle to be open and vulnerable. Who don’t want our problems to inconvenience anyone else. Who are afraid to open up in fear of looking weak or being rejected. I am right there with you. But we hurt ourselves even more by doing that. The problem typically is that we hold so much in that we end up exploding…and the crazy destruction often hits the wrong people. I can’t count how many times that my holding in problems have hurt the people I love. The people who stated that they would support me and actually meant it.

Of course, there’s always the issue of trust, right? Who can you really turn to when you’re going through it? Well, think of who all has been there over time without you having to beg and plead. Think of who has stepped up to the plate in your life without you really even having to ask. Those are the ones who you should turn to in times of distress, even when you’re struggling to express how you’re feeling. If you don’t have someone like that, consider turning to a licensed therapist to talk through your issues. Shoot, even if you do have good people around you, go to therapy if you need it.

Truth of the matter is we all need someone to have our back. We have to use the resources that we’ve been blessed with in this life to move forward in our lives, and that includes the ones we love and who love us. There is no shame in reaching out to other people you trust when you need help or a listening ear. If they are real friends or family, they have no problem dropping things to be there for you. If not, you probably need to drop them anyway. I know my circle’s been getting even smaller this year, and I’m fine with that. Quality over quantity, right?

Imperfectly,

screen-shot-2017-02-12-at-11-47-27-pm

B Who You Were Meant To Be

This post is a part of my “B” series which I’ll continue to deliver once a month!

Continue to B Kind. B Silly. B Inspired. B Imperfect.

I first came up with the idea for Imperfectly B at least seven to eight months before I started it. I was in a bad place mentally and physically and wanted to make a serious change. I began praying and reflecting more when God gave me the vision to start this site.

But I dragged my feet.

It was partly out of fear but mostly out of just not understanding. I had spent YEARS training and writing as an entertainment writer. I knew celebrities, reality TV, movies and music and thought . That was my niche. I really liked it. So why would I do something completely different?

So I immediately scrubbed the idea when it first popped into my head. The idea wouldn’t leave my head no matter how hard I tried to shake it. I could see everything so clear of what needed to be done. It did take a few months for me to actually take the idea of starting this site seriously. However, over time, I saw that it would not only help other people but it would also be better for my mental health. Plus, I was slowly falling out of love and out of passion surprisingly with my entertainment site. Because really liking something and even having a “passion” for it doesn’t necessarily mean that’s your gift.

With the site, I had no idea if and how it would impact people. I still don’t completely know where I’m going to end up. I just knew that it was about more than me. I’ve resolved to go after what I know I’ve been called to do with this site beyond just writing. Though I don’t claim losing, I’d rather have tried and have the potential to lose than to regret not having tried at all. I’m called to not only be a writer but be impactful with my writing. And now I’m veering into other things as well. All to make a difference in someone’s life.

I believe that we are called to something greater than ourselves and our desires. Some may genuinely not know what their purpose is yet (answering these questions may help). However, several of us know what it is we should be doing yet we don’t even give it a real try. Maybe it’s out of fear or uncertainty. Maybe you don’t feel like you have the time. Maybe you’re just being downright lazy if you’re honest. None of those reasons or anything else you put in your head are good enough to not be going after the vision that’s been laid on your heart. You really can’t escape your true calling. It will linger in your mind until you finally go after it.

Are you courageous enough to take that shot? Are you bold enough to say, “You know what? Screw it…I’m going to give this my all and see where it takes me?” Do what you know you were meant to do. Go where you’re supposed to go. Be exactly who you were meant to be. Even if you don’t quite see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your future self will thank you. 

Imperfectly,

screen-shot-2017-02-12-at-11-47-27-pm

“Don’t Hate-Like Their Trip”: The Steps To Getting Past Jealousy and Comparison

I’m going to get super honest and vulnerable with this long post and I hope others feel me on it. I may get judged because I run a “positive, inspirational site,” but the name has always been Imperfectly B. And, honestly and imperfectly, here’s one of several problems I have: I struggle with comparison and jealousy. It stems from my own insecurities about my skills and where I am in life. From the outside looking in, it may seem like I have it all together but man….

Hotels.com coined the word “hate-like” in their latest ad campaign for people who suffer from travel envy with their friends. When I first heard it, I sat in my living room like, “Dang, that’s me.” In fact, every time I see the commercials, it makes me squirm a little bit. How many times have I “hate-liked” someone’s post on Instagram or Facebook of him or her on vacation or at an event or making some other achievement? And why was I acting like that? Am I the only one who goes through this?

In the past few years, I’ve seen friends and classmates of mine soar and have worked to curb my jealousy which popped up because I didn’t seem to be where they were. I didn’t have the title or the big paycheck or the house and I felt inadequate. I could think of one time a while back where I had a pretty big win for my writing career but felt discouraged after seeing one of my friends share an IG post on an achievement I thought was “bigger” than what I was doing. In an effort to be supportive, I sure did like that post and even dropped a congratulatory message in the comments. But my heart wasn’t 100% in the right place.

I really had to sit down and reflect on why I was internally acting like this. It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy for my friend. He had worked hard and deserved to move forward. I guess I just felt like “When will things open up for me? I mean REALLY open up. Because I’m struggling.” Or so I thought. I merely figured I was lagging based on what I saw other people posting. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. We each have our own paths to travel and that means different levels of success and failure, different timings, different EVERYTHING. No one path is exactly the same. After I really learned this and got my heart right, I could sincerely and genuinely congratulate and support others. God is still working on me, but I’m grateful for the growth.

So here are the lessons that I’ve learned from dealing with these ugly demon siblings jealousy and comparison and why they’re really messed up. Hopefully, it helps someone else struggling with this too.

  • Number one, it’s a flat out sign of ingratitude. Yup, I said it. I had my own big wins and I STILL didn’t think it was enough. I saw other people “winning” and figured I was still lagging behind, simply because what I had wasn’t seemingly on their level. That’s what comparison does. It makes you look away from your own blessings and focus on someone else’s. Honestly, God should’ve snatched my blessings away acting like that. So, one big thing I did was write out of a list of all of the material and intangible blessings I have (and it’s A LOT). Anytime I start acting ungrateful, I pull out that list at my desk and just thank God. Because I don’t deserve it.
  • You honestly don’t know what someone had to deal with or is going through with what they have. People work hard and deal with a lot that you don’t know about to achieve what they have. I know that for myself, so how could I ever think that other people weren’t out here grinding for more just like I was? And, just because someone is seemingly on top, doesn’t mean that they are happy there or are able to sleep at night. Focus on YOU.

  • One of the biggest lessons that I learned was to stop dragging my feet. The nerve of me to get upset because people were simply walking in their purposes. I hadn’t done so yet and I was miserable, even though I knew where God was calling me to be. I learned that I had to go do what I was created to do, even though I was scared. God will never call you somewhere that He won’t give you the capacity and capability to handle. 
  • Another lesson? No matter how good you are (or think you are), there will always be someone better than you. AND THAT’S OKAY. There’s no need to be jealous. It’s actually a good thing because you are able to learn and grow from the people around you. If you’re the smartest person in the room, you need to find a new room. 
  • Speaking of room, there’s room out here for EVERYONE. I didn’t realize just how much until I started working on this particular site. Why? Because everyone has their own style and flair that they bring to the table, especially with bloggers, vloggers, and other influencers. There’s always going to be people who gravitate to you and people willing to work with you because of your individuality.
  • Lastly, your time WILL come. Cliché but true. Maybe not when and how you expected it to, though. I never imagined 10 years ago (!!!) when I started blogging that I would be where I am. That I would have gone through all that I have. But now God has blessed me to walk through more doors with more preparation, skill, and boldness. 

Now and then, jealousy tries to rear its ugly head. I have to remind myself of all of these things and keep praying that God keeps working on my heart. However, I’m in a much better place than I was. Hoping that this post helps y’all too. 

Do any of you struggle with jealousy and comparison? How do you personally combat it? Let me know in the comments!

Imperfectly,

screen-shot-2017-02-12-at-11-47-27-pm