Category: B’s Thoughts

Your Delay Is Not a Denial

Finally learning to trust in the timing of life!

“Everything that you’re going through is preparing you for what you asked for.”

Today marks five years since I graduated from Loyola University Maryland. Facebook had all the pictures and videos waiting for me in “On This Day.” Definitely one of the proudest moments of my life. However, my high expectations that day in regards to my career and life were no where near what I got.

A part of what I’ve been through during these past five years, and am still going through, are seasons of delay. I mean, SERIOUS delays, or at least, I think so. There are so many things I want to accomplish and have been working at for quite a while, personally and professionally. After I graduated, I was unemployed for almost a year. When I got a job, it had nothing to do with media. It was literally taken out of desperation. The fact that I’m not writing full time yet still bothers me. I’m grateful for my accomplishments so far, but I still have a ways to go, and would be lying if I said I didn’t get discouraged. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t compare myself to people I went to school with, the opportunities they’ve received versus my own (Sidenote: comparison is the devil ugh. That’s another post coming soon). These periods of delay have had me questioning a lot, like if I’m truly meant to be a writer, or if I’m supposed to have and do other things.

You might be experiencing this too. You don’t understand why your blog hasn’t blown up, or why you haven’t been able to snag another job that fits what you’re passionate about. You might still be living at home while you see people buying houses and all that jazz (serious

So what’s probably the reason behind all these delays? You’re not ready.  That might be a hard pill to swallow, but it’s true. That’s what I’ve found. Case in point, my freelance writing. I’m blessed to at least have writing as a side hustle now, with quite a few websites under my belt.  But that’s now at 26. There’s no way I would’ve been able to manage all that I do at 21 when I first left Loyola. Why? I wasn’t disciplined enough. I wasn’t productive enough. I wasn’t hungry enough. I thought I was, but, looking back, mentally I wasn’t ready. I would’ve let stuff fall to the wayside. It wasn’t until I went without writing jobs for a while and couldn’t find other good opportunities, that I went for my goal even harder. Now that I have other opportunities, I make sure I work my tail off to keep them!

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Me in my dorm about to go out for my 21st birthday…before selfie sticks

Another delay? My starting Imperfectly B. See, I tried my hand at this on the side when I was younger, while I was running my entertainment site, The Spotlight. I called myself attempting to give life lessons, but I hadn’t truly experienced life (good and bad) yet. I wasn’t disciplined and consistent enough with posting. I still had to become a stronger writer and more confident in my voice. If I had started this site instead of Spotlight when I was 18 or even 21, I KNOW I would’ve failed at it. Well, let me not be so negative. I don’t think I would’ve done as well. In fact, I tried my hand at writing a few personal blog posts for my portfolio website, and had to say, “Brittany girl, let’s not.” I wasn’t ready.

Let’s be real. For those who’ve experienced successes or new chances, whether it be at work, in love, or whatever, can you say that you would have done well at it a few years back? Were you ready then? Are you really ready now for all that you want? A lot of times, these delays are to help you grow and learn some hard lessons. That way when you do receive what you’re asking for, you’re actually ready to handle it! That way, you maybe even appreciate it more!

I know that now. I have learned to truly trust in the timing of my life. Your delay is not a denial. Your current circumstance is not your forever circumstance. Not if you don’t make it so with your own negativity! So, until the time comes for your purpose to be fulfilled, be comforted and stand strong in the fact, that all that you’re going through is simply to prepare you for what you wanted in the first place. Keep grinding!

Imperfectly,

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Mother’s Day: A Dedication to My Mom and All She Taught Me

First things first, happy Mother’s Day to all of the moms out there! Thank you for all you do and I hope you have an amazing day!

With this site, I definitely wanted posts about my own life as well, and the lessons I’ve learned over the years. With today being Mother’s Day, it’s only fitting that I share a post about my own mom.

I am my mother’s firstborn. Over the years, we definitely had our ups and downs, filled with jokes and laughs, misunderstandings and arguments, lessons learned on both sides probably, but, most importantly, love. Even in our down moments, I know she loved me and wanted the best for me. Still does. And she taught me a lot over the years. As a kid and even a teen going through puberty with a huge need of an attitude adjustment, I didn’t appreciate it. Now, as a young adult pushing through life, I realize that she was only trying to prepare me for life.

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Me, my mom, and younger sis Alexis at a Christmas gala

From the get go, my mother never let me settle. She always pushed me to take on new things, enrolling me in different camps and clubs and pushing me to do things at church, encouraging me to work, and ultimately helped me to break out of my comfort zone. She stayed on top of me about grades and applying to colleges and scholarships, pushing me to pursue my potential wholeheartedly. When I was younger, I was annoyed honestly, but, years later, I’m more confident in trying new things, and I refuse to settle for less than I can achieve and deserve.

Mom also taught me sacrifice. The practice of truly putting people before yourself. I knew and saw that when I was younger, but I really see it now as she helps to raise my now 11-year-old cousin. When my aunt passed away early last year, my parents took in my cousin, who was only 9 at the time. Now, my mom is constantly moving her schedule around again, cutting out things she likes to do or just relaxing moments, to do things for my cousin. In quietly observing that, I remember that she did all of that for me and my little sister too. Putting aside things to make us happy, or to try any way. I don’t always like it (I’m still letting go of my selfish spirit a little bit), but now I try to sacrifice more for my mom when she needs me to now.

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My mom and cousin [I call her Babez 🙂 ]
My mother also silently taught me to be a pillar of strength. I’ve seen her go through a lot, especially over these past two years losing her mom and sister less than a year apart, and she’s been a rock. She has her down moments, I’m sure, but she keeps pushing through. Like I’ve said before, life comes at you hard, but you have to keep going. You may have some breakdowns and downfalls, hurt and grief, and you should allow yourself to feel all of that. But it’s important to get up and keep going, because life, sadly, does keep moving no matter what. So that’s why I do. I learned that partly from my mom.

Mom, thank you for all you’ve done for me, Alexis, and Babez. I’m sorry that I didn’t always show you how much I appreciate you, but I’m thankful for all that you’ve done, and all you still do. Thank you for your sacrifices, lessons and love.  I love you much. 

Imperfectly,

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Sorry, the “Perfect Moment” to Work on Your Dream Will Never Come

“I’ve been wanting to start a blog like you do,” a friend told me a while back. “I’m just waiting for the right time. Need things to settle down a little bit, and then I’m going  to jump into it and make it happen.”

I understood where she was coming from. I’ve been there. When I was younger, I jumped right into creating The Spotlight, but was hesitant to take on other writing jobs thinking that I wouldn’t be able to handle the blog, studying and being involved at college, AND writing for other sites. I thought, “Maybe I should wait until after I graduate, and my workload slows down a little bit.” (Spoiler alert: it didn’t.) I took a chance and signed my first real freelance gig at the top of 2012, soon realizing that I could handle it. It took some A LOT of work, but I managed to make it happen.

Same thing happened when I got into the REAL, real world after college. I was afraid that I wasn’t good enough for certain writing gigs. That I needed to study and become stronger like this writer and that one. That I had to be 150% percent perfect in order to make it, and, until I was, there was no sense in going after certain opportunities. There was no point in attending different blogging conferences to network with other people. I hadn’t “made it” yet. The moment had to be just right. I had to be just right.

Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t grow in whatever your craft is. You absolutely should be working to better yourself as time goes on. But I can only imagine how many opportunities I missed out on waiting for me to “get my life together.” Sometimes, I think about different chances I could’ve had if only I had gone after things in spite of my feelings, and it kinda gets me in my feelings. So let me give this to you right quick:

In case no one ever told you, THE PERFECT MOMENT DOESN’T EXIST. 

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You’re still going to have the job, and the bills, and the volunteer work, and the kids, and whatever else.  I’m basically in the same boat (minus the kids part. One day, I pray, but definitely not right now!). All of that is not going to go away; it’s going to be a juggling act for sure. At the end of the day, life isn’t going to just stop and wait on you to figure things out. You have to be confident working towards your new venture, and figure out how you can personally balance it all. You’re also have to realize that you’re not going to know how to do it all when you first start out, and that’s okay! Point blank, if you see yourself going in a new direction, or starting something new in your life, GO FOR IT! Don’t wait for an “ideal time,” because it truly will never come. You want to start a blog? Start one. You want to work towards opening your own business? Do it. You see yourself creating your own YouTube channel and killing it? Make it happen.

How? Here’s a few tips:

  1. Don’t let the fact that you’re a beginner or rookie sway you. There will always be room for improvement, and you’ll find ways to work more efficiently as time goes on. You’re not going to know how to make every little piece of your goal happen at the very beginning. I knew NOTHING about running a blog, and how much it would take to seriously pursue and promote it. Google became one of my best friends, and I read articles and took classes (and still am). I slowly but surely learned what to do, what not to do, and what worked best for me. But I had to start somewhere. We all do.
  2. Be real with yourself about what you can seriously sacrifice to make time to work towards your new goals (i.e., cutting out TV/Netflix time, getting off social media, making time at etc.). Make your weekends more productive instead of just sleeping in and chilling after the stressful week. I know it’s hard, but make those sacrifices if you really want to try your hand at a new thing.
  3. Find ways to be more efficient in your work. Once you figure out days or times that you can work on your goal, figure out your best process on how you can get things done in bulk ahead of time. Case in point, for this site, I now use my down time to create and batch content for the days ahead (especially for things like #MondayMotivation and Words of Wisdom to be released each week). I got that from a masterclass from style blogger/influencer Mattie James. Literally, something that small (and seemingly common sense if I think about it for real) changed my life when it came to writing. That way, I’m not rushing to do things the day of, and I have time to work on even more posts for the future! Figure out your best process, and get things done.

At the end of the day, the gist of this is not to wait for the perfect time to do something new. Stop waiting for the right moment, because you’ll be waiting forever, and opportunities WILL pass you by. Put aside excuses or reasoning, and go after whatever sets your soul on fire. As time goes along, you’ll hit a few bumps and get a few bruises (or a lot probably), but you’ll get stronger and wiser. Never “perfect,” but definitely BETTER. But you can’t do that if you’re always waiting for the perfect moment. 

Imperfectly,

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Perfectly Imperfect

Today marks a new chapter for me. I officially put my entertainment blog, The Spotlight, to rest on March 31, and am starting the month of May with a new inspirational/lifestyle website. Taking a page out of my blogging idol Necole Kane‘s book, I guess, after she revamped her successful entertainment site, Necole Bitchie, to create an incredible new website, xo Necole, for women of color surrounding stories on life, love, career, travel, and more. A fresh (and more positive) start for her.

This new website, Imperfectly B, is that fresh start for me. I’m using this site to open up about my own thoughts and situations to hopefully help others who are going through circumstances in life and are close to giving up. As I shared a bit on my YouTube channel, I’m going to be sharing some tough lessons I had to learn the hard way over the past few years, and my own imperfections in this thing called life. I’m also going to write inspiring, feel good stories from the Internet for someone who needs encouragement, or just a smile or laugh for the day in this world filled with negativity. That’s what this site is going to be about. All good vibes. Continue reading “Perfectly Imperfect”

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