This post is a part of my “B” series which I’ll continue to deliver once a month! Continue to B Kind. B Silly. B Inspired. B Imperfect.
Welp, y’all. I took a short break from the site last week to process some things and regroup. Now I’m back and ready to get back to what I know. This post is for my fellow “strong friends” out there. The ones who other people “should check up on,” but would probably just tell them everything is fine anyway. This post is another hard one to write, but I’ll be good. Always lessons to be learned.
At a self-care retreat I attended this past Labor Day weekend, I mentioned how I was often the strong friend who struggled to be open all the time, even with the people closest to me. I hold a lot in instead of being real about my problems with others. Often, that gets me in trouble because I’ll get overwhelmed and blow up eventually. I hate to “bother” people with my problems. Little did I know that, during the same weekend, I would have no other choice.
Over this same weekend, which was supposed to be relaxing before getting back into my busy months, I discovered that the last five years of my life was a flat out lie when it came to my romantic relationship. I won’t get into details, but everything blew up in my face and I never expected it. My emotions are all over the place, but it is what it is. I’m dealing with it the best way I can, but, this time, it meant letting a few people into this embarrassing, shameful, and angering moment of mine. Namely, my sister and best friend.
Normally, like I said, I keep stuff in, especially when it comes to my dating life. This time, I couldn’t help but open up to them. I was pissed and sad that the past five years of my life were wasted by an absolute f—boy…very sick individual. It was either reach out to someone I love or get completely out of character. And God’s been doing too much work on me for me to turn back to craziness.
So I called them to vent and break down and cry. My sister checked in on me throughout the day between her classes. My best friend brought me food and drinks after she got off of work, basically forcing me to eat because I was literally so sick to my stomach, I hadn’t eaten anything all day. I vented more and shed tears and then we watched a couple of old episodes of Jersey Shore to laugh a bit. And I felt a little bit better. My guard is definitely up again now, but I’m glad I have good people by my side to help me through it.
This post itself was probably more of a vent, but it was also an encouragement to those who struggle to be open and vulnerable. Who don’t want our problems to inconvenience anyone else. Who are afraid to open up in fear of looking weak or being rejected. I am right there with you. But we hurt ourselves even more by doing that. The problem typically is that we hold so much in that we end up exploding…and the crazy destruction often hits the wrong people. I can’t count how many times that my holding in problems have hurt the people I love. The people who stated that they would support me and actually meant it.
Of course, there’s always the issue of trust, right? Who can you really turn to when you’re going through it? Well, think of who all has been there over time without you having to beg and plead. Think of who has stepped up to the plate in your life without you really even having to ask. Those are the ones who you should turn to in times of distress, even when you’re struggling to express how you’re feeling. If you don’t have someone like that, consider turning to a licensed therapist to talk through your issues. Shoot, even if you do have good people around you, go to therapy if you need it.
Truth of the matter is we all need someone to have our back. We have to use the resources that we’ve been blessed with in this life to move forward in our lives, and that includes the ones we love and who love us. There is no shame in reaching out to other people you trust when you need help or a listening ear. If they are real friends or family, they have no problem dropping things to be there for you. If not, you probably need to drop them anyway. I know my circle’s been getting even smaller this year, and I’m fine with that. Quality over quantity, right?
Imperfectly,
Imperfectly B 