I am a HUGE fan of The Bold Type on Freeform. It touches on so many issues from identity, love/life balance. I highly recommend it, especially for the ladies. One of the episodes of Season 2 really,
***Spoiler alert. Skip the next two paragraphs if you’re catching up on the show!***
So one of the main characters in the show, Jane, had quit her job at her fashion magazine, Scarlet, to go to another magazine that seemed more fulfilling. However, it was completely different than what she expected. Long story short, she ended up getting fired. After shopping around for different jobs and failing, she ended up scheduling a meeting with her former editor, Jacqueline, to try to get her job back. As she walked into the office to meet with Jacqueline, she and her friends at Scarlet were so confident that she’d be welcomed back. I knew that she probably wouldn’t. That was too easy and simple, and this show and its characters are not.
Sure enough, Jacqueline told her she didn’t have room in the budget to bring her back. And yes, she probably could have worked some magic to get Jane back on board, she refused. Ouch. Talk about a blow to your ego. Instead, Jacqueline told Jane that she needed to “sit in this failure.” Watch the scene below…
Whenever I got in big trouble or made big changes years ago, I flocked to my parents. When I messed my car up. Or had to get a new doctor. I even refused to go look at my first apartment and sign my lease without at least one of them in tow (both of them ended up being there). I’ll admit that my parents were (and still on occasion are) my safety net. My comfort zone. There’s always love, protection, and encouragement there.
As I’ve gotten older, though, especially during my first official year on my own, I began to realize that I have to take responsibility for my own life. Good, bad, and indifferent. Even the little/big things like getting my oil changed or figuring out health insurance. But especially when I fail. Just like Jane, instead of running for an easy fix, I had to learn to sit in my failures and work them out myself. Scary as hell, though.
A personal example: my credit card debt and overall finances. I haven’t gone too far off the deep end, but I was spending more than I should have. And it showed in my pockets. I had a budget, but it became yet another to-do list that I wasn’t following. Soon I had serious due dates looming over my head. Listen, I worked in accounts receivable. I saw how personal credit affects credit limits, and I had to send out plenty of demand letters and process bills for law firms. I am NOT getting my name involved in some mess.
It doesn’t take too much to stress me, so my nerves were completely shot was stressed for a while. But I refused to run to my parents or anyone else. Sitting in my failure meant getting my stuff together and figuring out a game plan. So I busted my butt working on some writing assignments and worked to find a new full-time job with more money and better benefits. I also had to get much stricter with my spending finally. Thank God that it all worked out.
I share my spiel to say that sitting in your failure forces you to figure things out! You figure out what to do and what not to do in the future. And there’s a sense of pride that comes with finding solutions to your problems. While I’m not against asking for help if you really need it, I do think you should exhaust all your personal options first. Whether it be with work, your family, your finances, your health, etc. Admitting you screwed up and coming up with a game plan to fix things makes you stronger and wiser. So don’t back away from your failures. Don’t just flock to your safety net for help. Be bold enough to sit there and try to figure it all out.